A letter
by belizimo
Summary: Harry Potter does not know emotions. Not love nor hate. One day something small is dropped on the doorstep to Privet Drive 4. How something so small can change so much no one knows. It started with a letter.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter series or any of it's character, I do however own this plot.**

Angeline Preveet was a very particular young lady. She had a keen sense of justice and she was always trying to please others. In short she was a very selfless girl but when she knew someone was wrong she always strived up against them. Some most likely called her foolish and rightfully so. She only saw the beauty in the beast, even when the beast stabbed her in her back. Her mother used to say that she was one of god's own creations and that he'd sent her to earth to vanquish the evil. Little did she know that that actually was true.

She had a long mane of hair in the colours of midnight, raven her mother always said. She had a straight nose and sharp eyes in a very warm forest green. They almost looked like if someone had cut them right from a tree. She had high cheekbones but they didn't stick out and where hardly noticeable unless one looked close or if she smiled, witch she tended to do quite often.

Her appearance might would have looked haughty if it wasn't for the fact that a smile always was on her lips, even when she didn't let any feelings onto her face, the corners of her mouth always seemed to be turned up. Most called her beautiful and was foolishly captured by her beauty. She never returned any affection directed towards her until one day.

James Potter was a very simple lad. He was born and raised as a true pureblood and he behaved as such. He had a terrible personality, he was arrogant and spoiled and had no compassion whatsoever toward others. At young age he always got what he wanted and when he didn't get it right away when asked, he always nagged his way to it. By the time he started Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry he was a quite handsome young man and respected by many as the only heir to the Potter name.

By the time he started his sixth year at said school he had gain the attention from most of the female population and even though he did his fair share of experimenting with some of them and was in no term a virgin, he had his sight set on one Angeline Preveet. In his mind she was the most beautiful creature he had ever had the pleasure of beholding and she carried such innocence that he would like nothing more than to devour her.

When James's and Angeline's seventh year arrived both of them had developed somewhat of a crush on the other and a week before halloween, a baby, that later was to be called Hadrian James Potter, was conceived. Unbeknown to both of them was that said baby carried the same gift as his mother.

Angeline was an angel from god. When the world started to get bad, god sent his most precious angel to earth. Said angel was reincarnated to a baby and was born as Angeline Preveet. Unbeknown to both Angeline and James was that the angel had a mate on earth and James just so happened to be that mate. Little did they know that Angeline could only fall in love once and that being with her mate and when that moment came, she would lose her immortality. If said mate by any chance rejected her after their bonding she would die.

When Angeline later found out that she was pregnant she was very happy. No one ever knew of her pregnancy except for three people, one being the father of the child and the second was the headmaster of Hogwarts school at the time.

Lily Evans had always loved James. She was very clever and the brightest witch of her age despite being a muggleborn. When the witch noticed that James attention laid elsewhere on one particular angel she became very jealous. At that time she swore that no matter what, James would be hers.

Clever as she was, she turned to the library in search for something that could aid her in her concur. After days spent in the library she finally found something. The book was very old and was recored from the ancient greeks. It only had two copies and the original was rumoured to be found in the libraries of Alexandria. Not the muggle one that burned down of course, but the original wizard library of Alexandria that was put under heavy glamours and was situated under ground. The glamours was said to be put up by Merlin himself.

At first sight the book seemed to be a very old bible and when Lily opened the book it was empty. No text was visible for the eyes to read. After using a revealing spell the text surprisingly appeared.

The book was about poisons. Potions for human emotions specifically, all of different kind. Endearing potions, courage potions, lust potions, but what interested Lily the most was a love potion.

It was a very dark potion and it would have been illegal had it not been so ancient and rear so that no one knew of it's existence. Said potion would make the person who consumed it in love with the person who made it, so one would have to brew it oneself for it to work. There was no cure for the potion and there was nothing recorded in the book of the process of the potion, only time would tell whether or not it ever lost it's effect.

Three fortnights after this discovery found one female redhead standing in her personal room at Hogwarts School with a vial filled with an alarmingly pink liquid. Said room was separated from the other Gryffindor dorms because this year the redhead had been made head girl and there was only one other occupant in her quarters. The head boy. Whom in this case just so happened to be the object of her desire and obsession. James Potter.

All of this made her personal mission of giving James the love potion so much easier to do and she already had a plan how to do it. No one would ever suspect her of using love potion on James because said potion was as good as untraceable.

One night when James had gone to bed just after that Angeline had left, Lily tiptoed over to James room. Before she opened the door she did a silent prayer that the door would not make a creak and wake James up. It seemed like god was on her side that day when Lily Evans unnoticed made her way into the head boys room. James was a very heavy sleeper and probably not even an earthquake could wake him but of course Lily didn't know that. In short, sneaking into the brunets room was not a hard task to achieve.

Standing above James sleeping face Lily could not resist bending down and steal their first kiss, one of many to come, Lily though in her mind. James seemed so innocent in his sleep, so different from when he's awake. The brown hair looked almost black in the dim light of his bedroom and he looked kind of weird without his glasses but Lily though it was an improvement. Soon he would be all hers and not that slut Angeline's. With a new feeling of anger at the thought of the angel Lily roughly took out the vial from one of her pockets.

Holding the vial above James sleeping face Lily made the liquid into fumes with help of a boiling charm. This way James would breath in the potion in his sleep and by morning the potion would be in James system.

Now satisfied Lily pulled one lock of brown behind the sleeping figure's ear and placed one last lingering kiss on the boys still lips before walking out of the room with a smirk on her lips that would give even Slytherin himself a run for his money. By morning James would think only of her.

Angeline could never have been happier, James and she was in love and were expecting their first born by the summer. They had found out the gender of the baby and it was a boy. Her little Hadrian, Harry for short. They hadn't really talked about surnames yet but Angeline was hoping that that wouldn't be an issue by the time Hadrian was born. It wasn't something that Angeline wanted to bring up in a conversation but she was secretly hoping that James would pop up the question about marriage soon, after all, she loved James dearly and wanted to be with him forever.

The day before had been amazing. It was Hogsmeade weekend and James had taken her to dinner at the three broomsticks, maybe not the most romantic place but that didn't matter, it had been the best night of her life. After dinner they had taken a walk by the lake, he had held her hand and given her his coat when she started shivering. It had started snowing, the first snow of the year and it was four days left to christmas. Their first christmas together.

Later, in James room they had laid spooning on the couch by the warm fire, he had held her so tight that she had a little hard time on breathing but she wouldn't have it any other way. He'd stroked her midsection where little Harry had his residence while kissing her neck. It'd only been about a month and a half since he was conceived and it was already visible for the trained eye to see her little baby bump.

They didn't have sex that night, it was enough just being in each other's presence and Lily later came in so it kind of ruined the moment. For once Angeline didn't stay the night at James, the pregnancy tired her and she needed to sleep and if she stayed with James there would have been no sleeping that night. Not that she would have objected of course, but she desperately needed her precious sleep. Besides there were loads of other nights ahead that she could be with James.

So she thought. If she would have known what would happen she would have stayed, if only to have one last night with James.

This particular morning, three days before christmas, Angeline Preveet walked down the stairs of Gryffindor tower to the Gryffindor common room. It was beautifully decorated with a tree and candlelights and when she looked up there was a mistletoe. She smiled at the memory of herself and James snogging under this particular mistletoe no even twelve hours ago.

Her friends had already gone to breakfast and had asked her to eat with them but she had declined. She was going to surprise James and then they were going to eat breakfast together in the Great hall. She walked to the door that led to the head girl and head boys room. She didn't bother to knock because she already knew the password.

Now afterwards she wished that she would have knock. The image she saw when she opened the door was engraved in her mind, never to disappear. Their moans and grunts still rang in her ears.

Lily Evans was laying naked as when she was born at the carpet before the couch she laid in hours ago, her red hair was spread all over the place underneath her, creating a halo of fire. But that was not what made Angelina freeze at the doorstep.

Laying over Lily, stark naked and thrusting into her body was James. She would recognise that body anywhere. From that mop of hair that she was currently clinging onto to the blemish free behind that she was digging her heels into, even that little birthmark on his back. James's hands were wandering all over Lily's body. At the moment one was holding her thigh up against his waist while the other explored the rest of her body and was currently folding her breast.

Nothing could have possibly prepared Angeline for what came crashing down on her. A ocean of emotion overwhelmed her. Grieve, anger, jealousy and dejection. It was too much to bear. One wasn't suppose to have all these feelings at once. At first it felt like if someone had poured a bucket of freezing water over her, but then when she realised what she was seeing it felt like if someone had stabbed her with a knife in her gut, trying to take the little ounce of life that she had left. It probably felt worse than any Cruciatus curse ever could.

This wasn't suppose to happen. James wasn't suppose to lay there, with another women, making love to her. He wasn't suppose to stroke another like if she was the most vulnerable and delicate thing in the world.

Letting her eyes wander in horror over the two lovers' bodies the pain only got worse. Their moans was so load that they probably didn't even know that she was there. Then realisation hit her.

What if they had been doing this all the time James was with her. What if they had been laughing behind her back every time Angeline had told James she loved him. What if every time he was with her, he had sex with Lily afterwards.

Then her eyes landed on their heads. James had his buried in Lily's neck and Angeline could hear him whispering Lily's name over and over between grunts and thrusts. Lily's face was wrenched in pure bliss as she moaned aloud. She would put a whore to shame.

Like if she had heard her thoughts, Lily's eyes snapped open. Emerald met forest. Then Lily smiled. It wasn't a pretty smile. It was an evil and revengeful smile, wrenched with dark pleasure. It was like if someone had turned the knife in her gut. Lily had meant for Angeline to see this. Never breaking contact with Angeline, Lily turned her head slightly to the left and caught James lips in a searing kiss, their mouths muffling each other's sounds. They shouted their release into each others mouths and James gave one last thrust, then shuddered and fell upon Lily, breathing heavily but never breaking their kiss.

Lily never broke eye contact with Angeline.

Angeline had seen enough. She turned in the door way, not even bothering to close the door. It didn't matter. Nothing did. Angeline Preveet never came to breakfast that day. She didn't come to classes either.

Instead one found her in her bed in the dorms, curtains closed and the only noise that could be heard was her heart wrenching sobs.

Angeline hadn't realised that she was crying before she had got to her dorm. Now afterward she didn't feel anything. Only emptiness filled her soul. Emptiness and her memories. Strangely enough it wasn't the memories of the past event that laid in the forefront of her mind. It was the memories of herself and James the day before. Of the day when they had first made love and James had introduced her to the world of love and affection, one thing that she thought she would never get to experience. The day when Poppy told her she was pregnant. That was one of the happiest memories she had. She was going to have a baby. Her own little bundle of miracle. And the father wouldn't be there to share it with her. This saddened her and a new wave of emotion overtook her. The images came back, crashing upon her.

Load moans. Angeline could not fault James. Red hair. One doesn't stop loving someone just like that. The sound of flesh hitting flesh. It would take time. Wandering hands. Maybe one day would she start to live again, but for now she was only a shell. An inferi. A walking dead. Emerald eyes.

Days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months. Angeline counted every minute. She barely ate anymore and her skin had turned sickly pale, almost transparent. Dark circles under her eyes seemed to be one of her features nowadays. To make matters worse James and Lily seemed to be glued to each others sides and it was not uncommon for one to stumble upon them in the hallways while snogging.

Her friends worried and tried too help her but there was nothing they could do. At the end Madame Pomfrey lost her patience and took matter into her own hands. No one had ever seen Poppy that furious.

For those short months before graduation Angeline lived again. At least that's how it looked to the outer world. Inside Angeline was dead.

She barely flinched anymore when she saw James and Lily together but that was also the only improvement since that day. All she did, she did for the sake of her baby. She started eating again because Poppy said that she would kill him otherwise. She started sleeping again because of the same reason. It was hard with the "nightmares" which in truth were memories.

Angeline still loved James. She knew that she would never stop and never forget. She wished that everything was just a silly dream and that when she woke up everything would be like it used too. But deep down she knew that everything was real. That James and Lily was real and that she had been thrown away like yesterdays thrash. And it hurt. It truly did. The truth usually does.

Graduation came and went, student went home for the summer holiday, but Angeline stayed. Partly because that Poppy wanted her to, so that she could keep an eye on her and partly, the bigger part, because Angeline didn't have anywhere to go. Her mother was no longer in this world and to be honest Hogwarts was more her home then the Preveet manor ever was.

On July 31rd Angeline gave birth to a boy. He was tiny and slightly underweight. His face was red and he had a mop of black hair on his head. In his mother's eyes he was beautiful. She held him for a while after his birth and all the love she had left she poured into the boy, saying a silent prayer to god to protect her precious boy from evil.

When the chimney in the hospital wing of Hogwarts struck 12am the angel took her last breathe. With her newborn son in her arms she gave up her life and was reunited with god once more.

The once proud angle gave up her life for love, but was rejected. She had a one chance of love would have gotten love in return had not one Lily Evans interrupted.

One later said that Angeline Preveet died of a broken heart.

Shortly after Angeline's death her only child disappeared and at the same time James Potter and Lily Potter nee Evans went into hiding. One year later they appeared in public again with a son with raven hair and green eyes. He looked exactly like his father but the only likeness he had with his mother was his eyes. But if one looked closely one would notice that the boys eyes were about two shades darker then his mothers. While hers was emerald, his was the colours of the forest.

On halloween the same year, the Dark Lord met his equal for the first time. Afterwards everyone said that Lily Potter's love for her son saved him, but in fact it wasn't her love that saved him. What saved the raven that day was the soul and love of his real mother.

Later that same fateful night Hadrian James Potter was dumped on the porch of Privet Drive 4, Little Whinging in Surrey where one family that went by the name Dursley just so happened to live.

Somewhere else entirely someone said 'To Harry Potter -the boy who lived!'*

**A/N: *= that last line was from the ending of chapter one of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's stone.**


	2. Chapter 2

If one just so happened to be situated in Surrey and walked down a couple of streets one would probably stumble upon Little Whinging and eventually Privet drive 4, if one didn't get lost on the way or stumble upon something strange that one simply could not explain with logical words.

On this particular street, or one should say, in this particular house lived a very normal family. They had a normal house, a normal life and was, for lack of better words, a normal family. Nothing strange ever happened in this house.

If one was asked to describe Vernon Dursley with one word it would be whale. He was a very big and sturdy man in his early forties, despite his fine age no one could deny that age was catching up on him.

Vernon had a normal work that he went to every morning, besides Sundays of course. After work he came home in his normal car and always greeted his wife in the hallway with a kiss on the cheek. Afterwards he would sit in the sitting room in front of the telly, watching some soup opera or the breaking new and on rare occasions one could even stubble upon him while watching the sports.

Dinner was to be served no later than 7 o'clock every evening.

This ritual was never to be broken.

Petunia Dursley nee Evans came from a fine family. Her mother was the typical home wife and her father worked in an office. They were the example of the perfect british family. They lived in a big white house at the end of the street, they had two daughters and it was not an uncommon sight to see their beautiful redheaded daughter playing in their new trimmed yard with the family collie.

The redhead went by the name Lillian Evans. She was a very sweet little girl and adored by all their neighbours. Everyone loved her and one look from those big round innocent emerald green eyes could make anyone fall to her will, even the grumpy old man down the street.

Petunia Dursley hated her sister Lily with a passion. From her pretty fire locks to her disgusting freckled face. When her mother first had told Petunia she was getting a little sibling she had been overjoyed. She had rushed over to her mother's side and placed her little hand on her stomach. Even though her father had wanted a little boy Petunia had secretly hoped that it would be a girl.

She would become the perfect big sister. She would help her little sister choose clothes and she would braid her hair every morning.

When little Lily finally had arrived Petunia couldn't contain her joy. Finally her little sister was here, she remember herself thinking.

It wasn't until a couple of months later that Petunia came to detest the little girl. Her father barely ever played with her anymore. He always took care of little Lily and never spared her a second glance. One time, when she had bugged him in the middle of his work because she wanted to take a walk with Buster, their collie, he had gotten angry at her for disturbing him. Later when Lily came waddling into the room he had taken her in his lap while saying silly words.

Her mother was no different. Always fawning over the baby and not bothering with the five year old Petunia.

When Lily had gotten her acceptance letter from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry at age eleven her parents had never been prouder. They had a witch in the family, how noble. Everybody saw it as a great honour but it was only Petunia who saw Lily for what she really was. A freak.

In truth, Petunia wished it was her. Everybody loved Lily so shouldn't that be enough already. Nobody looked at Petunia the way they looked at Lily. No one fawned over her except on certain occasions, like the time she had almost gotten all ace on the exam. Her mother had been so proud and had bragged to the whole neighbourhood. Petunia had relished her time in the lime light. But then of course Lily had to ruin everything. The next day Lily had been chosen as class president by the votes of her classmates.

Like if that wasn't enough, Lily always bragged in front of Petunia, knowing what it did to her.

Everyone thought that Lily was the sweetest little girl alive, but Petunia knew otherwise. Petunia knew the truth and Lily knew that she knew.

Lily loved the attention she got. She was so self-centred and spoiled that it wasn't even realistic. Everybody's attention should be on her because she was special. Everybody should love her because she was so loveable and smart. In Lily's mind she was perfect. Her mother and father had told her so often enough so it should be true.

Then all of a sudden she had disappeared only to, one year later, appear again married to that Potter and with a brat on her hip. Petunia loathed Potter. He was just as much of a freak as Lily was. She didn't want anything to do with neither Lily, Potter or their little Harry.

But then of course the Potters just had to go and get themselves killed, leaving their child in her care.

Petunia really didn't want anything to do with the brat but she had little choice. Her parents had passed away a couple a years ago and the Potters had made no appearance to take care of the new heir.

It's by these happenings that finds one ten year old raven boy silently sleeping in a cupboard. Said cupboard was not bigger than a couple of feet in every direction and if it was not for the raven sleeping there one would think that no one had been into the cupboard for quite some time. There were spiderwebs in every corner and whichever direction you looked you would se a pile of dust.

This did not scare the little boy. He was not scared of the spiders nor the bugs living in the dust. He embraced them.

The spiders did not detest him. They were his friends.

In the raven's short lifespan of ten years he had not managed to make a single friend. Whenever he had tried his cousin Dudley Dursley had gotten in-between, besides, to be honest, nobody could possibly want to be with the raven.

Nobody could like him. He was a freak. Uncle Vernon and aunt Petunia had told him so. Not even his parents had wanted him, running of and leaving him with the Dursley family.

Hadrian Potter had lived all his life in the cupboard under the stairs. He had cooked the Dursley's breakfast, lunch and dinner all his life so he thought that that is how life was suppose to be. He thought that there were others just like him, only he hadn't met them yet.

Maybe there were other freaks in this world the raven thought.

Harry didn't see anything wrong in the Dursley's treatment towards him. Even when Vernon hit him after he'd burnt the food, or when he'd drank a glass of juice. Harry did not think bad of the Dursleys because of that. His uncle had the right to hit Harry when he did something wrong because Harry was only a freak and Vernon did it for his own good. He did it so that he could improve. So that the next day he wouldn't burn the toast because now he knew how Vernon wanted it. Now he knew that he shouldn't drink juice because he did not deserve little boy did not know that what Petunia and Vernon Dursley did was wrong, because he didn't know anything else.

Harry had learned at an early age that he didn't deserve to be treated as high as Dudley. Vernon and Petunia had made sure he knew that. He knew that he shouldn't watch the telly like Dudley did nor should he think that he's better than Dudley in any way, not that Harry would ever think such preposterous things.

Harry also knew that not under any circumstances must he show his true self. In front of other people he must not show his freakiness because that would embarrass the Dursley family. In school he must not show that he knows Dudley because then the other kids might make fun of Dudley for not only knowing the freak but living with it. But Harry understood.

It was alright for them to look down on him. Nobody could want him and he was not worthy of anyone wanting him anyway. Harry Potter knew not what love was. He had never been displayed to the emotion and he had never given it. On the other hand, he didn't know what the dark feelings he had inside of him were, the feeling that he had towards the Dursleys.

Harry lived this way for many year. For as long as he could remember.

One day everything changed.

It started with a letter.


End file.
